First, I decided I had to leave. He was kind, he was wonderful, but something made me realize he was not the one. Hurting him was hard. 

Next, I tried to hold on to what I thought might be love. I thought this was it, this is it, and I scrambled… and it wasn’t. 

After that, I got lost on purpose. Lost in myself, in my friends. I learnt about love, friendship, and how love is not black and white, how relationships can be fluid and numerous. 

Then, I decided to never, ever commit to one person. I found myself in the people around me, people who told me I could be anything, do anything. People who loved me wholly. I thought, why would I tie myself down ever again when life can be like this?

I made plans for my life: plans to have many lovers, to travel alone. Then, to grow old alone, surrounded by animals, with my friends and lovers coming and going. A solitary creature, but surrounded by love. 

But then you showed up. My plans crumbled and my heart opened up. 

I love you.