Getting there.

Today I woke up with a horribly sore throat. That’s two weeks in a row now where I’ve felt brilliant all week and then suffered on the weekend. Both cases involve busy workweeks, so I’m inclined to think it’s a natural ME/CFS crash – or it could be coincidental. I haven’t been doing anything crazy, so the jury’s out. 

On Thursday, I did my first (almost) full day at work. I went into the office with Jesse in the morning, and I went home with him at the end of the day. I didn’t start late or leave early. And it felt incredible

I’m starting to have moments here and there where I forget I’m sick. I don’t hesitate as much to get out of bed to turn the lights off. I don’t spend so much time assessing whether I can walk from the bus stop to work, or from work to the park, or whatever. I’m taking more risks and saying yes more often, with less and less fallout. 

If this is as good as it gets, I’m… well, I’m not 100% okay with it, because I miss ballet classes and dancing until sunrise and long bike rides and long-ass hikes, but I’ll take it. This isn’t to say that I’m not working towards being even better (my long-term goal is to become healthier than I ever was before ME/CFS hit me – yes, a lofty goal, but I think I’ve got a better chance than anyone), but this level of ability is the best I’ve had since getting sick. 

Easy, slow bike rides are okay. Long, slow walks are okay. My body isn’t rejecting these things anymore. I’m still falling into bed at 9pm, and 50% of my days have very slow starts, but I’m getting there. 

My mental health isn’t perfect, but it’s getting there (especially since I’ve been stricter with my diet). I’m very, very, VERY slowly beginning to taper off the Zoloft I’ve been taking since I was 16 years old. I’m getting there. 

I’m getting there.